We Are NEVER EVER EVER Going on Vacation
So school is . . . a thing. But I don’t even know where to begin talking about school, whereas I know I hate going on vacation as a family. I have tried not to. I made a color-coded chart to figure out what everyone liked to do, and it turns out that my kids would be perfectly happy going to baseball games and going up in really high buildings. I’m guessing we can’t fill up an entire day with those two activities unless we make the kids take the stairs, and I don’t think that’s allowed.
I hate being confronted by my children’s refusal to cooperate. I hate they way they don’t want to take turns doing what each one wants. I hate that they want to eat oodles of crap, no matter how crummy it makes them feel (just like at home! you have brought the same digestive system with you!). I hate that we waste so much time resolving conflicts on a trip we have been discussing for weeks, strategizing about for days, only to be splashed with a slimy bucket of reality: Really? You think this is going to be the day we all change our minds about everything and just bow to your every whim? Well then, it’s time for the latest round of “working through disappointment in a way that will make the people in the next room hate us.” Well done, sir.
You know what all the things I hate stem from? From their understanding of vacation as a Super Fun Time When You Get to Do Things You Don’t Usually Do. No matter how many conversations I have with them, they don’t seem to grasp that this does not mean getting to do whatever you want, all day, every day.
Occasionally, I mention my . . . distaste . . . for family vacations to someone who feels the need to talk about how she enjoyed her vacations as a child. The implication is that only a fiend would deny her children these magical memories.
There must be people out there who think vacation is a big fat waste of time and money. Where are they? If the norm were staycations, I would fit right in. And while I would try not to join in when people start smugly announcing that their kids are capable of having fun at home — Why, they just need a box of Froot Loops and a trip to local museum and maybe a friend to sleep over, and they think it’s the best day ever! We’re making memories! — I would be so very grateful to know that I don’t have to commit a couple of weeks every year to something that doesn’t seem to serve anyone’s needs.
We’re in a phase in which we’re making memories I don’t want: memories of my children bickering and me snarling.
And this very weekend, my Peerless Spouse is away with one kid. They’re having a great time. And I am home with the other two, who are also having a great time. There’s no baseball at the moment, and our house doesn’t count as a really tall building, but we’re managing. It’s nice. Maybe not Magical Memories They Will Cherish Forever nice, but still. I like nice.
Despite that, and despite the title of this post, this summer we’ll be going out of town in search of fun. Yay.