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It’s One of These

May 20, 2012

It’s the first sign a serious problem, and you have to nip it in the bud.

Or

It’s a phase lots of kids go through, and you have to wait it out.

* * *

You need to let your kids play to their strengths.

Or

You need to encourage your kids to move beyond their comfort zones.

* * *

It’s going to be jarring to people, and your child may be wounded by their reactions.

Or

Accommodating an irrational bias lets that bias flourish.

* * *

Other people have rights.

Or

You’re people too, and so is your kid.

* * *

We need to look out for each other.

Or

People need to stand up for themselves.

* * *

Trust your judgment.

Or

Other people can see things you can’t.

* * *

He has to learn sometime.

Or

He’s just a kid.

* * *

Living with the consequences of a mistake helps you learn not to make it again.

Or

We all need to help each other out and cut each other some slack.

* * *

Maintain your standards. Consistency is important.

Or

There’s no award (or reward) for “Most Rigid Parent.”

* * *

That’s what parents did when we were kids, and we turned out fine.

Or

I can remember being unhappy about this when I was a kid, and I don’t think it helped my relationships any.

* * *

Being a good parent means you often need to put your kids’ needs ahead of your own.

Or

You didn’t stop having needs just because you came a parent.

* * *

Kids are going to be who they’re going to be; you can’t turn them into your vision of what they should be.

Or

You need to help your kids figure out how they fit into the world.

* * *

Good enough is fine.

Or

There’s always room for improvement.

_____________________________

Do good parents flip coins?

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4 Comments
  1. Lisa F. permalink
    May 21, 2012 11:56 am

    Oh this made me cry. It’s so hard. I swerve wildly from one to the other and wonder at the damage I’m causing with my own emotional distress about it all.

    • May 22, 2012 7:42 am

      I want to say something reassuring about how your kids really can appreciate you based on how hard you try and that they know you love them and all that, but I worry that it will sound hollow because my blog is basically a tribute to the fear of screwing up.
      I do believe that loving your kids and telling and showing them that you do goes a long way towards mitigating the damage we do by being human. We do a lot of good by being human too, you know.

  2. Lisa F. permalink
    May 22, 2012 4:41 pm

    my therapist said today that by approaching parenting consciously, and aiming for positive change, change from both previous mistakes and from the way I was parented, just by being conscious it makes a difference. She also constantly tells me that he, my son, came fully loaded with his intensity, and anger, and perfectionism, and that he will figure it out. and that I will, and my husband will. This was after I gave her flashbacks replaying our absolutely awful weekend. thanks for writing, Slim.

  3. Alexicographer permalink
    May 30, 2012 10:21 pm

    I’m not sure if I’ve commented here before, but I have long enjoyed your comments on assorted blogs and enjoy your writing.

    I tend to think more succinctly about the choices you lay out: the important thing to remember is that you’re (I’m) doing it wrong. Or as my husband says of my (geographic) navigational skills: Apply the negative one rule! (If I think I should turn left, I should turn right). As I tell him, you cannot negative one yourself.

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